Sprinkles Not Included

🧨 THE RANT: They Appreciate You, Alright - Just Not Enough to Pay You

It’s Administrative Professionals Appreciation Week, which means:

• A stale cupcake is coming your way.

• HR will send a mass email with clip art.

• And someone from leadership will say “we couldn’t do it without you” from their second home office in Aspen.

Meanwhile, you’re still waiting on a raise that was “approved in theory.”

You don’t want a cupcake party.

You want PTO without guilt.

You want support without begging.

You want to be treated like a professional, not a liability with a laptop.

But instead? You get cupcakes and a reminder that “We’re a family.”
(If your family gaslit you over Slack and called it leadership development.)

Appreciation Week?

This isn’t appreciation. It’s placation with frosting. 

Cupcakes were served. Sprinkles were not.

Just like recognition: optional, performative, and unevenly distributed.

📊 REAL-WORLD STAT

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

😀 QUICK POLL

🛠️ TACTICAL TIPS: THE REAL SECRETS NOBODY TEACHES YOU (BUT WE DO HERE)

1. The “Thanks, But Try Again” Response

For when your “thank you” email is followed by more work and zero support.

Steal This Line:
“Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot. That said, I want to make sure I can maintain quality across my current workload. Can we revisit priorities so I can keep this momentum sustainable?”

Why It Works:
It enforces a boundary without triggering alarms. By framing it as a quality issue, you shift the narrative from “I can’t” to “I care.”

2. The Preemptive Wins Report

For when you need to create a running log of your value, without sounding like you’re bragging.

Steal This Line:
“Here’s what went well this week and how it moved the needle.”

Why It Works:
Sending a short weekly recap makes your work visible, before someone else takes credit. It forces them to notice your impact, even if they won’t admit it.

3. The Reverse 1:1

For when your growth is being stalled by silence.

Steal This Line:
“Before we wrap, can I ask what’s one thing I’m doing well lately that stands out to you?”

Why It Works:
Managers often forget to give feedback unless it’s critical. Asking proactively reframes the power dynamic and gives you quotable material for self-reviews or job hunting.

😬 FROM THE FRONT LINES - Subscriber Story

^{She Clocked 60 Hours. They Thanked the Guy Who Forwarded Her Work.}

She didn’t just carry the project. She buried it, resurrected it, gave it CPR, and duct-taped the deliverables together with three Slack messages and a dead-eyed smile.

Meanwhile, Corporate Chad spent the week “weighing in strategically” - aka asking her to resend the doc he never opened.

And when the all-hands shoutout came?
Guess who got the credit?
(Hint: Not the person who was still online when the office lights shut off.)

That was the final straw - shrink-wrapped in corporate jargon and handed out like a prize at a morale raffle no one entered.

She didn’t lash out. She got quiet.
And then she got smart.
She lined up clients on the side. Updated her rates. Cleaned her calendar.

6 months later, she left without a goodbye and with a waitlist.

Now she freelances at $40/hour, has three clients, no boss in sight and the only circle back she does is with her dog at lunch.

Want to share your own story?

We’ll feature the bold, the bizarre, and the downright absurd - all anonymously, always. You can change the names. Or don’t. We don’t narc.

📬 Don’t Let This Newsletter Die in Spam

Emails think this is a coupon for burnout-themed essential oils or a 20% off trauma bonding workshop - and honestly, fair.

But if you want your weekly dose of workplace survival scripts, savage truths, and anonymous horror stories to actually show up...

👉 Drag this email to your Primary tab
👉 Or hit “Add to Contacts” (We promise not to call. We don’t like meetings either.)

Because getting buried between a CVS receipt and a calendar invite to “Mindfulness Monday” is no way to live.

📝 P.S.

Next week kicks off Mental Health Month.

And let’s just say... we’re not celebrating it with breathing exercises.

📣 Know someone who needs this newsletter? Forward it like your work BFF just texted “Do NOT open that Slack thread.”

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