💥 Coming Soon: Your Career Score

Happy Friday Eve, Legends!

We’re diving into one of corporate world’s most awkward rituals…the performance review. That annual back-and-forth where you casually name-drop your accomplishments, they pretend they didn’t already make up their mind, and everyone dances around the real conversation like it’s a slow song at the office prom.

But here’s the truth, performance reviews aren’t what they used to be.

Now, they’re more about data. Sentiment. Risk. Metrics.

But here's the real question - What if we actually used performance reviews to empower ourselves instead of feeling like we’re walking into a firing squad?

In this issue, we’ll show you how to flip the power dynamic in your performance review - by making invisible work visible, and taking control of how you’re scored before someone else writes your file for you. But first…

🔻NEW THIS WEEK:

1. You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up - where we spotlight the most absurd workplace jobs and trends past and present.

2. After the Tactical Tips, we’ve got a downloadable PDF waiting for you -
   What NOT to Say in a Performance Review.

3. We’ve got two quick polls and your voice matters. (look for the ⚡)

   One ties into this issue, the other helps shape what we do next. Please take 10 seconds, cast your vote, and know it counts.

This newsletter isn’t just for you - it’s built with you!

Let’s begin!

🧨 THE RANT - This Isn’t a Review. It’s a Profile.

Ah, the performance review. The part of the year where competence competes with charisma, and “team player” is just corporate for “don’t make waves.”

You’ve spent the year busting your ass, meeting deadlines, handling that insane workload and then some manager in their corner office has the audacity to give you feedback that’s more about their own KPIs than your actual contributions.

“Here’s a glowing review... but can you work on x, y, and z for next year?”

Sound familiar?

Let’s face it, performance reviews have never been about the truth. They’re a mix of office politics, damage control, and legal documentation dressed up as “growth.”

And now?

Companies are quietly rolling out real-time performance tracking, AI-generated review drafts, and internal “career scores” that rate your engagement, tone, and potential based on Slack replies, project velocity, and how “team player-y” you sound in surveys.

(And yes, this is real…platforms like Workday and Rippling are already scoring employees under the guise of performance insights.)

But if they're measuring you, you might as well measure them back, right?

📊 REALITY CHECK

So yeah - your odds are better at a Vegas blackjack table.

Let’s turn this into a power grab.

Here’s how to walk in with strategy and walk out with leverage.

🛠️ TACTICAL TIPS: How to Win Your Review

This isn't your first rodeo, and it won’t be your last.

Smile.

Nod.

Get judged on “energy.”

Maybe get a raise. Maybe get gaslit?

Not this time.

We’re making damn sure your impact gets seen.

 ♦️Mission: Transform Your Review into an Opportunity for Growth♦️ 

1. Make Invisible Work… Visible

Situation:
You’re doing the emotional labor, the behind-the-scenes fixes, the extra Slack support, the training, the “I’ll just do it so it’s right.”
And yet, none of that shows up in dashboards, KPIs, or performance metrics.

This is called “invisible work” and it’s rarely rewarded unless it’s framed as strategic value.
If you want it to count, you have to make it count out loud.

Steal This Line:
“I’ve also been supporting [X behind-the-scenes effort], which has helped the team [Y impact]. I’d love to explore how that type of contribution fits into the broader performance picture.”

Why It Works:
This repositions “invisible” contributions as measurable impact. Research shows, promotability is often tied to perceived influence, not effort.

Invisible work disproportionately falls on conscientious, high-performing employees and it’s often assumed, not appreciated.

By naming it and connecting it to a team win or a business outcome, you shift from “extra help” to “strategic contributor.”

👇️ Pro Tip:
Before your review, list 2–3 invisible efforts you regularly take on, like training a teammate, smoothing interdepartmental handoffs, or fixing broken workflows.

Attach a tangible impact - did it save time? Prevent escalation? Boost delivery?

Then plug it in during your review using “impact-first” language (e.g., “to reduce delays,” “to streamline X,” “to support onboarding”).

2. Steer the Narrative Before They Fill in the Blanks

Situation:
When you don’t actively manage the narrative, managers fill in the blanks with bias, vague impressions, or whoever’s voice was loudest in the room. If you don’t steer how you’re seen and where you want to go, someone else will do it for you.

Spoiler: it won’t be nearly as flattering.

This is your chance to signal: “I’m invested and I’m done letting my career be summarized by someone else.”

Steal This Line:
“Looking ahead, I’m really interested in growing into [insert skill set or role]. What would I need to demonstrate in the next 6–12 months to move in that direction?”

Why It Works:
This reframes the review from a passive assessment to a strategic planning session. If you express clear career aspirations and request guidance on how to get there, you are more likely to receive development opportunities and more likely to be retained long-term.

It also combats the common leadership blind spot of “talent hoarding”, where managers undervalue or overlook high-potential employees simply because they’re not broadcasting future goals.

👇️ Pro Tip:
Pick a goal that aligns with a cross-functional skill (like stakeholder alignment, technical mentorship, or process ownership). This shows you're thinking beyond your current role and makes your growth beneficial to multiple teams, not just your boss.

👉️ Think your review went sideways because of what you said?
 Don’t guess, get the exact phrases to avoid (and what to say instead).
Grab the full What NOT to Say in Your Review Cheat Sheet below.

🔦 Subscriber Story Spotlight

💬 Real Talk

🗣️ Want to tell your story?

We feature real ones every week, yours could be next.

And just when you think it can’t get more unhinged, drum roll, please….

💩 You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up

In the 1980s, GE’s Jack Welch made managers stack rank employees:

• Top 20% got rewarded

• Middle 70% got pushed

• Bottom 10% got fired - every year

Oh, and companies like Amazon and Enron kept using this method long after it was widely condemned, claiming it “drove performance.”

⚡️ Before you go, you can see we’ve been experimenting with new sections, fresh formats, and more in depth tips to help you outsmart the system (with snark, of course). But we don’t want to yell into the void.

We read every single email. So if you’ve got feedback, praise, or a performance review for us - send it to [[email protected]]

🎯 FINAL WORD

🔮 Next Week: Work Less. Earn More. No, Seriously.

What if the smartest career move isn’t climbing the ladder, it’s sidestepping it entirely?

Why working less might be your most powerful move yet.

That’s all for this week, legends. 👋 

📝 P.S.

If nobody’s told you today:
You’re doing better than the system deserves.
You’re surviving something that wasn’t designed to sustain you.
And that’s not failure.
That’s power.

📣 Know someone who got blindsided by a performance review they didn’t see coming?

Forward this like your work BFF just messaged,
“Heads up - your review was written three weeks ago.”